Technician Heal Thyself Part I

Item 1: Being the first in a series of collections of actions taken by computer techs that make me ashamed to bear the name:

Its late, you're happily surfing the web, clicking from link to link in your own little private nirvana. A youtube video here, a cracked article there... some... "research." Suddenly disaster strikes, some nefarious link has given you the digital equivalent of herpes. You try running your scanners, you call your cousin who "knows" computers, but in the end you know its coming, the horror of horror's, going to see the geek.

Now I'd like to think most people have a nice, reliable, able computer guy in their town. I'd like to believe that most people go to him, but in my experience, there's always one or two shops that apparently survive on one time, screw your customer over for as much as you can because they're not coming back business. I think its why I live in a very small town that is full of do-it-yourself-ers.

There is always the alternative of going to one of the big stores and trusting your machine to the pimply-faced brat with a hamster voice that will simply check to see if you have any good porn, and then send it back to you in worse condition than it left, but that would, and probably will, take up an entirely separate post. We will focus on the small businesses for this post.


Saying "It's not worth fixing":
I hate these words. I have had to use them once or twice, usually in a business scenario, but the brazenness of how some techs throw it around is appalling. It is neither mine, nor any other tech's place to make that determination.

These words are usually followed by, "I've got a machine in the back though that I can give you a deal on." That's your best indicator that they haven't even examined your computer and just want to make a sale.

Many years ago a friend of mine brought me an old machine he had. It was long in the teeth, but it ran ok, and he was using a very strange setup that required the use of an extremely pricey ISA HAM radio card. His machine wouldn't boot so he took it in to one of our local shops. They carefully examined the faceplate, and proclaimed that it was not worth fixing. Angered my friend brought it to me. Five minutes of taking the cards out and re-seating them, and it was up and running. I didn't charge, since it was two second fix, and he had already been ripped off that day, but if the first tech had taken a few moments out of his day, he could have made some good money for basically just opening the case.

Scorching the Earth without Approval:
Ok, from a tech's point of view, what is usually the easiest way to fix a computer with software errors and or malicious items on it? Reformat. Scorch the earth, kill em all, let God sort them out. And yes its quick and it works, but, if you're jumped the gun, you may have just erased someone's dearest memories.

I know, the oldest wisdom in the computing world, back up, back up, back up. Store in three different places on the earth and one on the moon and maybe you won't lose your stuff. But, the eighty year old grandmother that only keeps in touch with her grandkids via email isn't going to understand a word you say about it. Much as you may have trouble understanding why she hells 23 skidoo at random, you come from two different worlds. I always ask, at least three times "Is there anything you want off your computer?" At least once they will say no, but when you deliver the machine, they'll be asking, "Where are my vacation photos?" Ok, I've had a few that said, "You didn't look at my vacation photos did you?" Those situations were awkward.

Jury Rigging:
Duct tape is an amazing invention. It has saved my life many times. It is not, however, something you use on a customers machine and then hand it back to them... Unless they have bumper nuts, then its ok.

One of my cousins runs a shop, and was wanting a remote installed so she could work from home at times. I walk in and go around the counter she had set up and look down. The tech that had been contracted to come in and get her computers hooked up to the internet had run a cat 5e along the base of the counter and affixed it with small pieces of duct tape... (insert facepalm picture later)

Blatant Ignorance:
I don't know everything there is to know about computer issues, no one does, but I also don't put myself in a position to be handling things outside of my realm of expertise. Few things irk me more than asking a question of another tech and either I can tell they don't know what they're talking about by their expression, or I know enough about the issue to be able to determine my time would be be spent better elsewhere.

A while back our internet connection at the office went down. We were using a modem that to this day, I've yet to find english documentation on (it was bought from the duct work tech's shop before I got here.) After a few reboots and checking the line going in I finally called tech support to see if there was an outage.

Now, I know in this field age isn't always a good indicator of ability. I've met very young techs that were really good at what they do, and some older ones that have no business operating electric toothbrushes. The guy I got on the phone though, demanded, while not in words, that I henceforth refer to him as Skippy the Wonder Hamster. Skippy was a happy little soul, safe and comfortable in his little den with his scripts and database. Our conversation went something like this:

Pinky: Hey, just wanting to check if I've got an outage in this area.
Skippy: Have you tried turning your computer off, letting it sit for a minute then turning it back on?
Pinky: Um, I've got ten computers in here and none of them are connecting, won't even ping an outside address.
Skippy: So you haven't tried turning them off and then back on?
Pinky: Hold on
*Two seconds pass*
Pinky: Ok, they're back up
Skippy: Hmm, can you see your modem?
Pinky: Um, no its in the server room, I have already rebooted it twice, and am now looking at the web interface for it, its showing I have dsl sync.
Skippy: What do the lights look like? Do you have two lights or three?
Pinky: Well they're real pretty and I have a bunch of them.
Skippy: Hmmmm
*I hang up*

I called back a little while later and got another tech, took two seconds to check the settings and determine the modem was bad. I kept it in a drawer to spit on from time to time.

Item 2: List of Offenders:
I'm not naming names, some of these guys know where I live

Item 3: Suggest course of action:
Look for signs, talk to friends, at least one person you know probably knows a good tech that won't rip you off or screw up your box.

To be continued...